Being home...

Well, I have been home for 4 weeks now, and WOW! is all I have to say!

I can't believe the crazy bumps that I have gone through just being home... but I am really starting to understand God's timing, and planning.

I have always wanted to follow God, and serve him, but I let things get in the way more often than not, and it is something that I will probably deal with until I die. I let things or people be my everything, my identity, my reason to smile, my reason to wake up,and what makes Halie, Halie. It is a huge struggle for me to balance life and what the world thinks it should look like, and God, and what He wants and calls me to do. Sometimes I don't want to hear His voice, because I am too comfortable, and too lazy to make the necessary changes. Until that day when He does it for me, and I am forced to deal with it, and make those changes.

You see, before I left I was happy with everything. I was looking forward to a great trip, I had great friends and family supporting me, I had future plans for college, and what that was going to look like, I wanted what everyone wants. A steady job, a husband with 3 little kids, ministry, and experiences through teavelling. I wanted what the world sees as normal and the "american dream". Part of me still wants those things.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting those things, but the question to ask is why?

For me, it was making my life look appealing, and perfect, where I could have the world, and God. I wanted to be everything. But that was my problem, still is my problem. I have to realize that The Lord says we cannot have the world and him. We are even supposed to forsake our brother and sister for the cause of Christ. I did not really understand that until I went to China.

While I was there I was surrounded with people who love God in a different way that I do. See, sometimes I love Him as much as I can, but still cling to the world and what it promises. I cling to what they will accept from a "christian" instead of clinging to the Bible, and forsaking the world and its lies, and compromises.

The sisters and brothers i met while in China made God their everything... Literally. They depended on Him for money, food, shelter, EVERYTHING. They were willing to forsake all others to be closer to their Heavenly father.

Why can't I be like that? I am too COMFORTABLE... I really hate having to change things in my life that seem like they are just normal hings, but it isn't normal for people in other countries, or even in our own country to be living on the streets, or in shacks, with barely any food, while I have the choice to have really any kind of food I want with just a drive away.

I am not saying that we all need to live in shacks to really know God, or maybe that is what I am saying, but I just want us to realize how incredibly blessed we are. I know on Christmas I wasn't thanking God for letting me get this thing I wanted, or that thing that was way too expensive, I was really thankful for my family, and getting to be with them on Christmas when I had been away from them for so long.

Even in church, on Christmas services, we give money, and I wonder where it goes? Do we help the poor and needy? Do we feed the widow and care for the orphan? Do we really forsake the world, so we can have GOD?

We should never ask "how much of the world can i look like and still get away with going to heaven?" it should be "how much am i willing to let go of this world in order to follow and love God and serve Him with everything I have?"

I am learning a lot... Just thought I would share.

Be blessed.

"For this world may seem amazing, but God is ALMIGHTY"